The dilation and curettage (known as a D&C, is a procedure to clean the uterus often after a miscarriage or heavy bleeding) helped with the bleeding to be a lot less than a natural miscarriage. I didn’t have spotting for 3 to 4 weeks, instead the spotting stopped after 1 or 2 weeks. Post D&C, I was very achy. My uterus was cramping in what felt like bedridden pain. Pain is subjective, so for me the pain after the D&C was rough and I utilized medication to help me manage. I was given 600 mg of Motrin. The toughest part of going through the loss of multiple pregnancies is not just hearing you’re losing a pregnancy, it is the ride coming home from the hospital/clinic. There were a set of emotions I felt of course when the doctors told me I am having a miscarriage and the ride home felt gloomy, sad, and just odd as both my husband and I are facing our new reality. The journey of coming home empty was emotionally rough and I am left with what has happened, what is happening with my partner and family.
My family knew about my pregnancies because I definitely need their support. I’m a Social Worker, a busy bee, and a giver naturally. I have a good support system and can rely on my family to help me during the pregnancy, so I didn’t wait your traditional 3 months to tell my family. In reality, I’m happy I didn’t. Even though it is also hard for the family to go through the loss, I needed the support to not feel alone and be in my sadness. My family is part of my backbone and they helped me get through the worse of situations, I am forever grateful to them. Everyone from my younger brother from picking up prescriptions from the pharmacy, to my parents, sister in law, and sister that helped lighten the mood by keeping me busy and doing whatever it was I wanted to do.
After losing the 3rd pregnancy, my fertility doctor felt the best way for me to move on was to have a successful pregnancy. In the fertility world there are two schools of thought that I am aware of, those that feel you should take time before conceiving to give your body and mind a break then there are those that feel if you are emotionally ready, you do not need to wait for a specific time-frame to work on conceiving. In other words, when you have your first period after the miscarriage you are pretty much ready to have a baby again. I went with the new school of thought and didn’t want to wait to conceive, at this moment, I’ve been having pregnancies and losses from Oct 2016 without any luck. I trust my fertility doctor. Hubby and I both felt ready to start the baby process.
At this moment, with all the losses, my mind isn’t right. I feel frustrated, upset, and angry. I found all the reasons to blame myself for the losses and even allowed others to make me feel it was my fault I lost the pregnancies. My HCG levels from this third pregnancy was rough, the pregnancy hormone did not leave my body as quickly as the other two miscarriages. It took 2 months for the hormones to leave and for me to start the fertility recommendations and treatment. We didn’t do IUI or IVF since there are no issues with us conceiving. I took the vitamins, hormones, and clomid to help prepare my body for pregnancy. Prior to actually starting the pregnancy process, I was not my normal self. I had very sad moments, anger and was upset from the trauma of the losses and had difficulty with accepting what was happening. I was stuck in the grief symptom of Anger. I had difficulty being around pregnant women for a few reasons, I will share them with you. Seeing a pregnant person at the time as I was mourning my loss triggered and reminded me I no longer have a baby. It made me feel empty, anxious, and sad. I also gave myself all this societal pressure for no reason, Alhumduliah (Thank God), I have a very beautiful supportive mother in law that never made me feel the pressures from pregnancy losses, there were all these additional cultural pressures I put on myself. She provided me with support and helped calm me down and we talked business on what would be best next steps to take. She helped ground me. I struggled with finding happiness and did lots of acting to get through the day. Although I believe in the Lord, after the third pregnancy I struggled finding a spiritual connection. I remember wanting to pray to the Lord, but felt too upset and distant.
I didn’t have control of how I felt, however, I allowed myself to write it out and controlled my reactions to situations to my best ability. I separated myself from friends, family, co-workers and gave myself the time to mourn the losses of possibilities.
In a Blink 