Time is the healer of All things

Sometimes it feels easy to go on the roller coaster of sadness, the important thing to do is push through. Don’t stay focus or allow that emotion to drag you down. Accept what you’re feeling, allow yourself to process then let’s use our sadness for the positive. Dear Allah, I hope you grant me a child in this Duniyah (world) and if not please unite me with my precious children. A mother never forgets their children. My love for them has never ended but I do need to be stronger, healthier, and better. These days it’s been so tough, I really am not able to conceive until I reach the health goals and that can be so hard sometimes. InshAllah, my determination and sorrow will guide me to be in a better place. Before, my emotional response for sadness was comfort food but this time it’s to stay focus on my goals. My personal goals are so important because I need to give my unborn child the best possibility of life. It doesn’t matter how far Amir and Aliya came, they are still my children that I had to say goodbye to them too early. My love for them is immense, it can make others uncomfortable. But isn’t a mother’s love for their child one of the strongest bonds in the world? Time is flying, Amir was suppose to be 3 years old and Aliya’s 2nd birthday is approaching. Dear Allah, please give me the strength to stay consistent in my goals in order to give my next pregnancy InshAllah the best fighting chance. I don’t think my heart and soul could bare another child to bury. So I will do my best to reach my goals and please do yours and bring this abundance of life into Tanvir’s and my world. Please allow us to shower our baby with our love and give its best chance in this world. If we are not meant to be parents in this world, it will be difficult to accept. However, Allah see our love and heart and grant us some light in this world.

Time heals, but it doesn’t take or decrease the love you have for your loved ones that are gone. Life just becomes a little more manageable but there are times emotions will rise. Grief is a continuous process. Stay strong, cry, pray, draw, dance, write or anything that gives a little ease and comfort. Know our loved ones are alive and with us through the memories and the stories we share and remember them by. I love you my dear precious babies. Aliya, I’m sorry baby girl that I can’t always express my love for you, it’s so deep that it makes me shut down but don’t worry your dad is able to express what I can not. We love you.

So to keep track of my goals, I’m going to the gym and eating better. I am seeing an array of specialists. I have to remember I’m not in a race with anyone and InshAllah one day I will be able to hold both my baby in this world and in the next. Once again, I am a proud mommy of 2 amazing angels that have helped me grow and be humble.