This journey is so difficult emotionally and mentally. In the baby journey, there is so many compartments for my partner and I. As the person that’s going to be carrying the pregnancy, I have to be ready to go through the process all over again. This means being aware that the appointments will be opening up the wounds I allowed to heal for a time being so I can focus on my health goals. Alhamdulilah (Thank God), I was able to stabilize my medical issues along with lose a few pounds to give me a better chance in holding the next pregnancy. The depression/on-going sadness had me eat for pleasure and my body was too tired with emotional and physical pains to exercise. We came a long way in this journey. Sometimes I prayed when nothing else worked and I actively looked for happiness. I allowed myself to practice mindfulness and reminded myself when emotions come up, it’s okay they will pass and everything will be alright. I practiced having an attitude of gratitude and indeed I have so much I am grateful for. I have health, somewhat of my sanity, and family. In order to heal, I gave myself ample time. I knew I was getting better when my heart felt less pain/hurt/anguish towards certain things/situation in this pregnancy journey. When you allow yourself to forgive and can forgive, it makes a difference. I couldn’t force the forgiveness, it had its own timing.
In pregnancy, there are so many compartments and situations. A pregnant woman will remember the things people say or do (I was also on extra hormones to keep the baby in, so a different level of emotions). I had a lot of stress but at the end of the day nothing happens without Allahs will. I accept the pain and the lessons you have given me Allah, I hope you see me worthy of being a mom. If I am not meant to be a mom in this lifetime then I know you have my 2 kids waiting for me in the next, InshAllah. Alhamdulilah for whatever you have in my journey ALLAH, but you must know it is difficult at times.
As I am ready to start the process, I have to make sure my partner is on the same page. This baby journey isn’t easy at all, you and your partner need to be in similar pages and come to agreements on what your process will be. Sometimes we aren’t eye to eye and sometimes somethings seem like common sense, but they aren’t. Sometimes what you discussed and what happens in reality are completely different situations. It’s all a difficult journey.
To be continued… I am emotionally tired but my spirit is a fighter.
In a Blink 