Dear Aliya Duniyah Rahman,
You are my precious little princess and your birthday is coming. On December 16, 2023, it will be 4 years since you have made your way into our lives and left us. My sweet Angel, when I lost you I lost my mind. I wish I celebrated you every week you were in my tummy and did the early genetic tests to know your gender. I thought if I knew who or what you were early I would get too close to you and God forbid something bad happens, I was hoping it wouldn’t be so bad.
Boy was I wrong. It doesn’t matter how long you were in me, you are apart of me. I am so grateful to have all your cousins, they give me the opportunity to spoil them as if you and Amir were on this earth. Obviously, Allah’s plan is better than our own. Aliya, this doesn’t make losing you any easier. Someone who wants to be a mom can sacrifice her life for her child, and unfortunately everything was out of my control. I can’t erase you both.
Life is about having a balance, for me that balance is giving you both my love and prayers. Even though I know you both are in heaven and InshAllah we may be able to meet again, I pray that Allah has you united with all the babies and loved ones that are departed.
Oh Amir & Aliya, I love you both immensely and I will always love you. If Allah ever does bless me with child, they will know who their siblings were.
Fertility journey has been extremely difficult and with health just not being in order the dream to have a baby in this world feels more difficult. Complications here and there, Allah knows best. One thing I’m very happy with was that I finally got over my fear of injecting myself and it feels powerful to be able to give myself the needle. Whatever Allah wills, I’m okay with. You (I) have to still keep living, enjoy, and praying. I will live my life filled with gratitude and good vibes.
Happy Birthday my sweet Angel, the love I have for you cannot be expressed in words.
Love,
Your mom
In a Blink 