Hello World,
I will give a key points in this journey of infertility. I had 9 miscarriages, the last 2 were back to back. I got pregnant in Jan. 2026 and by the end of February 2026 during Ramadan I started to lose my pregnancy at about 8 weeks. The embryo’s heart beat stopped. I prayed hard and did my best to follow my autoimmune gestational diabetes routine. I spent my Eid Al Fitr waking up early running to the fertility clinic to have clearance that the pregnancy hormone HCG is no longer in my body, then I ran to my parents where Tanvir picked me up and we as a family got together with my siblings to celebrate Eid and host at my house. I had many emotions, even though that was my 8th pregnancy and 8th loss, it’s still hard to go through some of the emotions. Every loss I had I have a different response and a different view. With the 8th loss, I kept myself grounded because I know this loss is nothing compared to losing 22 week pregnancies.
I want to tell the ladies that are in my foot steps that there are cool stuff to try in the fertility world. There is something called reproductive immunology and they are specialist that can follow you close before and during pregnancy and prepare your body for the best levels to be pregnant and maintain pregnancy . I didn’t get a chance to consult with a reproductive immunologist, right during the same week I was accepted to Dr. Jubiz who’s based in Florida I got pregnant in May 2026 an oops suddenly surprise pregnancy. Many times when you go for reproductive immunology, they will not take you for a pregnancy and you have to get the okay to get pregnant. There is about 4 reproductive immunologists in the USA, it may change in the future but you’ll have to look out and complete intake.
I only had 1 cycle post miscarriage and I definitely didn’t think there was any way I would be pregnant but I was. This pregnancy lasted 10 weeks, I prayed, ran all over to all my medical specialist and providers, controlled my diet, followed my immune protocol. Do you know when I got pregnant with this last pregnancy I was completely happy! I forgot about all the pregnancy trauma/sadness/losses and really had this hope that this must be it. If this child came so quick this must be a gift from Allah. I ate good, I checked my blood sugars and I took all my injections. I had no bleeding this pregnancy and that’s what made me so hopeful. This was the first time I was through the roof excited and happy like how a mom who’s been wanting this pregnancy to be while everyone else was cautious.
Every sonogram I see the heart beat and I pray, Oh Allah please let me have this miracle. Allah, please keep my pregnancy safe and sound. With this pregnancy, I kept Tanvir away from the doctors appointment. I was strong and I took control of everything I needed to give this potential child its best chance so this way no one can say anything or I don’t have any doubts with myself. I really did do the best I could possibly do and advocated for whatever I needed to my best ability, but it still didn’t work out. At 10 weeks 3 days, my embryo (I don’t know what to label her) stopped growing and she lost her heartbeat. I opted for a D&C right away and have genetic testing. I needed to know what’s going on and with genetic testing I learned I was suppose to have a girl and she had Trisomy 16 with XXX chromosome. She wouldn’t have survived in the world and those babies usually don’t make it past the first trimester.
My mind and my heart is strong but I do have sadness and grief. A part of me feels I can keep trying until Allah grants me the perfect embryo and help me carry to term but the realization is if its genetics and there isn’t much changes me or Tanvir are doing it doesn’t make sense to keep trying. The reality is you can’t expect a different outcome if all the work is basically on 1 person and I have put my body through soo much. My pregnancies and immune protocol is not like a regular pregnancy. It would be worth it to keep trying if I can have that baby to hold, cherish, and love but I fear the negative impact on my body. Perhaps Allah was saving me from going full term because maybe my body can’t handle it. For whatever reason, I was chosen to have this part of my life be challenged.
I am really blessed, I have a husband that actually cares to keep me happy. He tried to keep me busy my taking me out on the weekends and bring be whatever gave me joy, but you know sometimes even though I like adventure, I wanted downtime. I pushed through a lot, I didn’t really take extended time off, just a few days to allow my body to heal from the major bleeding days. My family is awesome too, as I go through my losses they’ve been there for me. I have gone through miscarriages so much I feel like I don’t need anyone by my side, “it’s okay, I’ll be fine.” No mom, you don’t need to come with my to the hospital and no sis just pick me up after the D&C. They didn’t listen, mommy came to me to be with me to learn I have lost another pregnancy and my sister brought my princes Shaila to keep my happy and be besides me as I wait to have this D&C. This would be my second D&C and I forgot all about how it went except I knew I would be in pain the first day. Shaila stayed in the waiting area with me for so long and she didn’t want to leave my side. We took many silly face pictures and my sister hooked me up with a change of clothing. The day before we learned the heartbeat stopped with mom and I am blessed I got my D&C the very next day.
I advocated hard and went to both my fertility clinic and my MFM, my MFM clinic did a solid. They hooked me up for the same day for my D&C cause unfortunately in my Feb 2026 loss I miscarried the same day at night they told me there was no heart beat and they didn’t allow me to get it genetically tested and I didn’t want my future to repeat itself. I wanted answers, but people I went through a lot with my losses. I learned sometimes you don’t ever get an answer and part of me knew that could have been a possibility cause it’s happened to me many times in the past.
My heart yearns for this child I wanted to love so badly and give all my love too. We weren’t chosen to be parents, even being a parent is a gift from God especially when you want a child so badly. I am blessed because I have so many good things, I have a pretty much complete life just missing the one thing I wanted the most. This is okay and it will be okay, my life will still be fulfilled with other joys and sometimes I’ll be sad wishing I had the opportunity to raise a child and give that child unconditional love. I do get to be an awesome Aunty and give my nieces and nephews my love and fun times..
I don’t know where I am with pregnancy and fertility, I don’t want to say I give up but I feel like I need to put an end to it for the sake of my body. This body’s gone through so much, I need to be good to her.
By the way, I don’t know if I mentioned I did try IVF and did 2 rounds and had 3 embryos that I did 3 day transfer, those didn’t work out. I also did acupuncture while doing egg retrievals and FETs along with PRP of the ovaries to help with egg quality. My fertility doctor suggested I do day 3 because in my first egg retrieval I lost all my embryos, they didn’t make it day 5 blastocyst. I originally wanted to do genetic testing on the embryos but they didn’t survive, I lost about 5 to 7 embryos in the first cycle. IVF was hard and I wish I was able to be strong to keep doing it but it was too emotional, especially since nothing is guaranteed and physically it was a lot on my body. The hormones really best with my Diabetes.
In the infertility world you do all that you can do whenever you can to give yourself the best chance. Understanding this and accepting this gave me peace and I have to thank you infertility support group.
I’m pushing through whenever I can and although I’m sad sometimes, it’s okay. This will past and it will InshAllah get easier.
Catch ya later,
Tina
In a Blink 